For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about one too many things (which caused my anxiety to flare up and it sucked because I missed two days of work because of it… but that’s not my point here) and there was one that that stood out. Dreams.
No, these aren’t the ones that you have when you’re fast asleep and snoring — or in my case, drooling (eww, I know).
These are the ones that you want so badly to be or happen with your life or experience. These are the ones that you spend a load of your time thinking about and wondering what it would be like if at least one of them comes true. These are the ones that you’re probably already working hard on achieving. These are the ones that may or may not have been consuming your days and nights worrying about.
I have just finished reading Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon and have already started on Without Merit by Colleen Hoover. I have also been re-watching (for the thousandth time) As Told By Ginger on the side just to fill the silent space in my room.
And then this thought suddenly occured to me. I’ve always dreamt of becoming a writer and publishing my own book. A dream that started when I first watched Ginger on Nickelodeon on that fateful afternoon when I was 10, I think.
I decided to start keeping a journal (ehm, diary) then and I have been keeping one since.
But the dream remains to be just that… a dream. I tried a couple times. I started writing a few chapters some years ago and then stopped because it sucked big time.
I tried again but the same thing. And I was never proud of what I’m coming up with. I realized then that I’m simply a terrible writer. So I started a blog, with the hopes of turning it into something but I’ve been at this for more than a decade and I still am a no better writer than I was when I first started.
Sure I have better sentence construction and have a wider vocabulary to boot but that’s about it. And it sucks.
I’m not letting go of the dream just yet. But right now, all I can do is semi-constantly think about it. A girl can dream, can she?