In a way, I’m like Garfield. There are days when I terribly hate Mondays because of everything it stands for — end of another weekend, start of another stressful work week, beginning of a horrifyingly long countdown until the next weekend, et cetera, et cetera.
I dislike Mondays because it reminds me of how much I hate my job and more than half of the people that I work with (I don’t hate them for personal reasons but mostly for what they stand for which is, again, my suckfest of a job). It reminds me that my life isn’t going anywhere and at this point, there’s not much that I can do to fix that reality. So I drag myself to work every single day because I need money sustain my needs and wants.
▪️ I need a new notebook for personal journaling. I don’t want a bunch of what’s available locally because they’re either too heavily designed or the paper’s not at par with the quality that I want. And then there are those that are just annoyingly expensive.
▪️ I need to call Globe ASAP because of the unbelievably insane excess charges on my December bill. I have no energy for this but I have to. If only I can just say fuck it and just pay for the entire bill but I also do not have the money to do that.
▪️ Honestly not sure what I want out of this life but I certainly want a better one. I just don’t know where to begin or how to make my current one seem slightly bearable.
▪️ My anxiety has been worse than ever since the beginning of 2018 and I’ve been keeping myself extra busy with bullet journaling and watching TV shows and reading books and going through other people’s blogs/YouTube channels but nothing ever seem to work.
▪️ I want to go to the beach or take a hike up a mountain (hopefully I can physically do it). Maybe the waves or the wind can take this sadness away.
▪️ I’m alive but I’m not living.
▪️ The thought of going to work today is stressing me out even more and I want to just quit but I fucking can’t because I need money… ugh, I hate being broke.
▪️ I have finished 3 books out of my goal of 15 for this year. That isn’t so bad given that January’s still not over.
▪️ I want to continue with my Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon but even the thought of doing that is stressing me out a little (WHY???).
▪️ I need some sort of distraction — preferably human distraction. As in I need someone to come to my house and actually distract me from my thoughts.
▪️ For the first time in years, I’m hearing my mother singing while in the shower. That’s odd. I don’t know what to feel about it.
▪️ I’m done with my bullet journal spread for the month of February. I think I’m okay with how it turned out. Probably.
Any random thoughts today? (Hopefully, yours are better and more positive than mine.)