Random Thoughts on a Sunny Monday Morning

In a way, I’m like Garfield. There are days when I terribly hate Mondays because of everything it stands for — end of another weekend, start of another stressful work week, beginning of a horrifyingly long countdown until the next weekend, et cetera, et cetera.

I dislike Mondays because it reminds me of how much I hate my job and more than half of the people that I work with (I don’t hate them for personal reasons but mostly for what they stand for which is, again, my suckfest of a job). It reminds me that my life isn’t going anywhere and at this point, there’s not much that I can do to fix that reality. So I drag myself to work every single day because I need money sustain my needs and wants.

▪️ I need a new notebook for personal journaling. I don’t want a bunch of what’s available locally because they’re either too heavily designed or the paper’s not at par with the quality that I want. And then there are those that are just annoyingly expensive.

▪️ I need to call Globe ASAP because of the unbelievably insane excess charges on my December bill. I have no energy for this but I have to. If only I can just say fuck it and just pay for the entire bill but I also do not have the money to do that.

▪️ Honestly not sure what I want out of this life but I certainly want a better one. I just don’t know where to begin or how to make my current one seem slightly bearable.

▪️ My anxiety has been worse than ever since the beginning of 2018 and I’ve been keeping myself extra busy with bullet journaling and watching TV shows and reading books and going through other people’s blogs/YouTube channels but nothing ever seem to work.

▪️ I want to go to the beach or take a hike up a mountain (hopefully I can physically do it). Maybe the waves or the wind can take this sadness away.

▪️ I’m alive but I’m not living.

▪️ The thought of going to work today is stressing me out even more and I want to just quit but I fucking can’t because I need money… ugh, I hate being broke.

▪️ I have finished 3 books out of my goal of 15 for this year. That isn’t so bad given that January’s still not over.

▪️ I want to continue with my Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon but even the thought of doing that is stressing me out a little (WHY???).

▪️ I need some sort of distraction — preferably human distraction. As in I need someone to come to my house and actually distract me from my thoughts.

▪️ For the first time in years, I’m hearing my mother singing while in the shower. That’s odd. I don’t know what to feel about it.

▪️ I’m done with my bullet journal spread for the month of February. I think I’m okay with how it turned out. Probably.

Any random thoughts today? (Hopefully, yours are better and more positive than mine.)

15 comments

  1. You know, whenever I read your personal posts, I always have the Notepad open so i can type my thoughts as I read, hence my comments are lengthy most of the time hahaha! Okay here it goes:

    I wish I have the drive to maintain journals like you. I have so many blank notebooks because I buy ’em on a whim but don’t really have any plans for them. Yung SB planner ko nga di ko ma-update regularly. January pa lang pero naghahabol na ‘ko agad ng days, haha.

    Re: Globe, I hope you get it sorted out! I hate calling them about billing concerns because they always use the stock script “yun po kasi ang na-generate ng system.” Like bitch, that’s exactly why i’m disputing, because your system is wrong!!!

    Finally, unsure about your life? Welcome to the club! I’m getting to the big 3-0 in a couple of months and i still have zero fucking idea.

    Happy Tuesday! Hahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha bet ko yan! I like reading your long comments :p

      I wish I have your talent! I have the energy for about 3-4 months then I abandon my journal then start back up by the last quarter of the year. That’s usually how it works for me. Hahaha.

      Speaking of Globe, di ko pa rin siya natatawagan. Anong petsa na! I just do not have the energy to deal with them right now. This is like the 4th or 5th time that they’ve overcharged me like this. Buti sana kung hundreds lang e. Kaso mygad, laging thousands ang difference! KAKAYAMOT!!!!

      Ugh, I don’t what to do anymore. I’m 26 going on 60. Di ko kinakaya!! -.-

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey girl.

    First of all, I love your Feb spreads. Super cute.

    Secondly, I know exactly how you feel about the job situation, but let me give you some glimmer of hope.
    I left my home in California to pursue my dream job, which was a few states away. I left everything behind (not really…being slightly dramatic here) to come to this new state. I was at my previous job for seven years and it was the first job I ever had, and I was good at it too! No one wanted to see me go. I was definitely an asset, but I was so stressed all the time. Even though they said they appreciated me, the pay didn’t reflect that. I also knew it was a sign from the universe that it was time to move on. It was definitely scary!

    Needless to say, I moved. I am currently jobless living off of my savings (granted we’ve only been here for a month and a half). I’ve applied to jobs but haven’t heard back from most of them. I DID get rejected from my dream job, BUT, there are other avenues I can look into… not all hope is lost!

    I guess my point here is, if something is making you unhappy, save up some money, get your affairs in order, and then try to follow your dreams; your passions. Try applying for another job you think you’d like and see what happens. Learn new skills and experiences. You’re already accomplishing your goal for reading x amount of books, so that’s awesome! Also, you can definitely hike up a mountain, I believe in you!

    If this anxiety-ridden girl whose scared of everything can do it, you definitely can too. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! ❤

      Aw. I wish I could just pack up my life, transfer to a different place and do what you did. But unfortunately, being in a 3rd world country, transferring your life to a different region means and does absolutely nothing. It sucks, really. If I apply for a job that I truly like, it's not gonna get me anywhere because I'm an undergraduate. Regardless of the fact that I know that I can do it, it won't matter because I don't have that stupid piece of paper called a college diploma. From where I am, that's all that matters. It's not even important that you're not good at this particular job or you don't have the skills for it. The only thing that matters is that diploma.

      That fucked up reality adds up to my anxiety even more. 😦

      Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, though! I truly appreciate it! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aw girly, I can definitely see how that can be a total downer and why you feel stuck. It definitely seems like you can’t pick up a leave, so maybe do a couple things everyday that bring you joy. Maybe read a few pages of your book on your lunch break, or doodle, or whatever it is you want to do that makes you happy! Just so the day doesn’t feel so mundane, boring, and even stressful.

        I definitely know what you mean about the college degree. I graduated college and I STILL can’t find a job in the field I want! Here in the US, even having a degree doesn’t guarantee anything.

        What are you majoring in?

        I can totally see why you’re anxious about all this. Makes perfect sense to me! If you find your brain getting overwhelmed and constantly going going going, acknowledge the thoughts and do some deep breathing. This should help calm you down temporarily.

        ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Awww I wish I could give you a huge cyber hug. Some weeks are like that … pretty grim. I have a list this morning of five things that I have to achieve. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough and I’m going to fight my fight. Do it with me! We can do it together … I wrote a post this morning if it helps …. best, best wishes for a good Monday … xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I could hug you back, too! 🙂 That’s a start! I’ve had a list of things to do since Monday and it’s Wednesday night now (almost Thursday) and I haven’t even done even half of them. -.-

      Like

      1. I’ve just read a blog on habits and procrastination which is my major downfall and it said that as soon as you think of something that needs doing, you have 10 seconds and then you have to do it! I’ve (obviously!) taken this to the extreme and this is only the second time today I’ve sat down! I’m knackered but the house is bloomin’ clean …. I’m not sure I can carry on like this but I guess it’s a start. Good luck and look forward to reading your next blog. Hug 🌞🌞

        Liked by 1 person

  4. My random thought for the past few weeks is: am I doing the right thing – getting married? I’ve been thinking a lot about getting married and everything revolved around it. The lifelong commitment, having to deal with a new family, household chores, potential fights, babies (?), no turning back… as the day draws nearer I’m just getting a lot of these questions. I’m sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him but I’m just scared, confused, worried and anxious…and basta there’s more. Tama ba ‘to? Is this what I really want? Am I getting cold feet?

    I’m hoping what you’re feeling is just PMS. I hope it’s just the hormones causing all these crazy emotions. If it’s not, a suggestion would be to give yourself some you-time. I like to go for walks and talk/listen to myself. I focus on me. I do a complete 10-step skincare routine. I sleep. I honestly don’t know what I’m saying and if it can work for you. I’m just giving you suggestions in hopes it can help. Just take your time and enjoy your pace, it’ll all fall into place. (Oh diba, it rhymes.)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. KAT! I-hijack ko muna comment section ni Biktorya para mag reply sa comment mo, hahaha. I hope you get to clear up your pre-wedding jitters. It must be really overwhelming, thinking about all those things. So ayun lang, I just want to say that.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. WOAH. Okay, I’m not sure about that. I’ve never liked the idea of marriage so I’d rather not comment on that wedding jitters or cold feet or something. Hahaha. But I do hope you get through it, though! I honestly think it’s just the nerves!

      Ugh, wish it was PMS. But this mental health issues is literally driving me nuts. I wish it was the weekend already so I wouldn’t have to deal with more than half of the bullshit. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m hoping I’m just nervous because I’d be fucked if it’s more than that! Hahaha

        Anyway, I just read your other post and seriously got worried that I offended you in any way. I think mental issue is such a ‘new concept’ for a lot of people that majority don’t know what to say. I’m hoping for a lot more awareness about it (proper awareness and not through social media) so we could be more knowledgeable on what to say and how to help. But I also hope that people won’t be so quick to label themselves as dealing with certain issues just to be in. (Believe me, I’ve seen some who are so quick to say they have certain issues without actually going to a doctor. I think these are also the same people who Joey De Leon were referring to when he said that infamous line regarding depression.)

        Ang dami ko na sinabi. I just hope you feel better. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha. Sana nga it’s just the nerves! Pero mukang kaba lang yan. Plus excitement! 😀

        Oh no. What you said reminded me of a long overdue post that I’ve wanted to write for a while now. Since I’ve been having issues more often in the past 12 months, I’ve been dealing with bouts of unnecessary comments from people as well. Besides, like I said, iba naman yung “sana PMS lang yan” dun sa “sus gurl, PMS lang yan, deadmahin mo lang”. The word “sana” for me just means that you’re hoping that it’s nothing worse/more serious than just that. So I wasn’t offended at all. Don’t worry! Hahaha :p

        Also, oo nga. Nakakairita. I’ve been dealing with this shit for more than a decade. In and out of my doctor’s office for years. In and out of therapy. In and out of being under medication (fuck Lexapro and Xanax). And it sucks. Pero it’s like people are just throwing these illnesses like they’re nothing. Trending kasi e. Nakikiuso ang mga puta.

        Hahahaha. Dami ko rin sinabi di ba. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to howikilledbetty Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: