Last night was one of the worst anxiety attacks that I’ve ever had in my life. I couldn’t function right; I couldn’t even think straight.
I wanted to just disappear from the face of the Earth and never look back. I wanted to just get it over with; be done with everything and leave and not feel anything at all. It’s annoying how shit can just hit you that hard just like that.
I don’t know what’s going on with me anymore. I just started punching the wall and punching myself. I didn’t know what else to do. I just want out. I want out of my life; out of my body; out of every single damn thing that’s making me feel and act this way.
I don’t even know what and how to feel anymore. I ended up crying — like full-on crying and wailing on my girlfriend’s arms because I didn’t know what else to do and how else to act. I ended up hugging my dog for what felt like hours just to ease whatever it is that I’m feeling.
I’m at a loss for everything. I’m at a complete loss and I need to take a second to breathe; figure out what I’m supposed to do next. I need to take a second to step back and think.
But at the same time, I don’t want to think. I don’t want to feel. I just want it all to be over. I don’t know how else to calm myself down. I don’t know what to do.
I just don’t.
I need to save myself from myself.